Three years ago in the hospital

Three years ago today, we were in the hospital with Hudson for what would be the hardest two weeks of our lives with him so far. For some reason I thought about this experience yesterday, only to find out it was exactly three years ago that it all started. The vomiting, stomach pain, lack of eating or drinking. THREE times i called the doctor, and not until the third time did they tell us to go to the ER because of dehydration. Not that they could have known what was going on, but our little boy was in bad shape. Thank God it all turned out fine, and he is running around like a wild four year old today. But i reread the blog entries to Andy and we both took a few minutes to reflect on the experience and remind ourselves how lucky and blessed we are today to have each other and our two beautiful, healthy little kiddos.

But I can still remember the way I felt when the doctor told us he "had to tell us Hudson may not survive." I remember feeling like if he died, I would too. I remember feeling something so much more than fear or sadness there was no way I could describe it. I remember sitting, sleeping, and staying as close as possible to my boy for those two weeks, as he got test after test done, finally ending in surgery to remove the mass. He sat on my lap in the wheel chair to each room, reached for me crying each time he needed an X-ray, blood draw, CT scan, etc. He didn't eat, so I didn't eat. Never thought i could lose over 15 pounds in two weeks. Hope I never do again.

It's a sad, hard thing to remember. But it's good to remind myself what we went through, and where we are now. God gave us a miracle. He carried us. He saved my baby, not done with the time and plan He has for my Hudson here on earth. So I need to be thankful, appreciate this gift I've been given. And I'm guilty of not appreciating it. There are days it's hard and I don't feel like I am cut out for this. I have called those parent fails, among other things. But I still love my kids. And will try to remember my blessings and be thankful for these beautiful, rambunctious kids. :)